Long post ahead.
1st July 2013 represents 2 milestones in my life; the first day of nursery school for my 18 month old son and my 6th year of marriage.
In the past year I searched high and low for a suitable nursery school for my little big baby. The one I was happy with is in the suburb just passed my job’s suburb (I don’t work in the city- yay). Their fees are quite pricey but I would rather pay a reasonable amount of money to have peace of mind as apposed to sending him to a cheaper but dingy/ dodgy place. By chance one day my mom came across a creche that’s even closer to my job and on route as well. We checked the place out and were satisfied with the positive attitude of the teachers and cleanly environment. Plus it’s half the price of the other creche and it offers the same things; cooked breakfast and lunch.
This is the first time ever that my son would be ‘alone’, without my husband, my mom or me. We’re the only ones who have ever taken care of him. He doesn’t go to strangers. So leaving him in a completely new environment with complete strangers must have been borderline traumatic for him. I tried explaining to him days in advance, telling him about creche but he didn’t know what the word meant. Everyone asked me if I cried. I didn’t have time to cry because as soon as we got there they took him and practically shoved me out the door. He understandably was kicking and screaming. I guess they want to avoid mommies dragging out the inevitable and making things worse. The teacher was kind enough to send me a text about 5 minutes later telling me he stopped crying and was playing with toys. About 10 am she sent me 4 pictures of him. He looked sad but at least he was interacting with some kids.
When my mom picked him up at 3:30 pm he was fine but when he saw her he burst out in tears and cried very heart-sore. Poor baby, I bet if he could talk he would have said,” OMG I thought I’d never see you again. WTF, how could you leave me here with these kids!” (HAHAHA I’m so funny, I crack myself up)
This morning before we got out the car I told him I’m going to work and he’s going to creche to play with his friends. He laughed and cheered with me as we entered the premises saying,” yes, oh yes!” (It’s a type of made up song I sing to make him excited about something.) He pointed at the park and was happy until they took him from me. I think if he really hated the place he wouldn’t even have been happy entering the gates. I hope… I’m sure that soon enough he’ll get used to them and be perfectly content with the arrangement. Besides learning, I really hope that it improves his eating habits and social skills.
Wow, where to begin?
I knew I wanted to marry Mogi-san after just a few months of courtship. Of course we waited to see how things panned out. After 2 years we were 100% sure that marriage is what we wanted. On my 21st birthday in front of my whole family and all my friends, he gave a speech about how he came into the family and what he thought of me. He then took a box out of his pocket and the crowd went wild. It was quite romantic. I was smiling so hard I had to use my hands to unlock my lips. The next year a month before my 22nd birthday we got married. I wish we had a better photographer, my dress was so beautiful. It was in the middle of winter but the sun shone brightly and the beach where we took our pictures was empty, clean and just breath taking.
Life was bliss and everything was hunky dory. Then we tried to conceive. I became a monster.
When I cried myself to sleep, when I screamed at him, when I hated the world and I threw him with a spatula, he comforted me. Three years later we decided to try fertility treatment. It was physically taxing but emotionally harrowing. Most of the time I felt alone, like I was the only one going threw the difficult stuff. I felt like he didn’t want a child as much as I did. My heart was breaking, bleeding and my mind told me lies. Our marriage took quite a beating but through it all we stayed together.
In March 2011 I became violently ill with a stomach virus. I lost 6kg in 6 days. I threw up blood, it was awful. I’ll never forget how well I was taken care of though. My mom cooked me gourmet meals. When I cried my dad rubbed my back and said,”you’re going to be ok”. And my husband catered to my every need 24/7.
A month later I found out I was 6 weeks pregnant and life took a turn toward the clouds.
I am so grateful.
I won’t lie, we’ve had some rough patches recently. I suppose it comes with trying to balance life with a little one. Our latest fall out was about our relationship as a couple. My husband has always been low-maintenance. He doesn’t ‘need’ as much as I do. Sure he has feelings, (somewhere deep inside- just kidding!) but he just needs food, PC games or a car to work on then he’s fine.
He’s a wonderful father but I reminded him that he is a husband as well. Working long hours sometimes 6 days a week , coming home to relax, doing what he enjoys and playing with his son, left very little to no time for me.
I started feeling lonely and 6 years almost became- only 6 years.
There are quite a few people I know my age who’s already divorced. I started to wonder how on earth my mom’s generation did it. How, HOW did they refrain themselves from strangling each other? I look at my own parents- they would wake up at 5 am in the morning and chat as if they never saw each other in months, they would even laugh ( it’s 5 am people!)
I don’t know when last my husband and I just sat with a cup of coffee and just talked. I don’t mean talking in the car about what happened or what someone said or did, laughing and then quiet. I don’t mean talking about to-do lists or what little one did or what little one needs. I mean just talked- about life, our hopes, our plans. Time doesn’t seem to allow us to connect on a deeper level. Everything is just too hectic and fast paced. Even weekends are crazy and often with a busy toddler relaxation isn’t really possible. Tension rises, moods swing dangerously…
I suppose this is why its so important to keep the lines of communication open and constantly have tolerance. We all have flaws. We think differently. We’ve discovered that our biggest problem is running in circles; he avoids me when I give him the silent treatment because he doesn’t want to say something wrong and in the meantime I am resenting him more and more because he isn’t showing initiative to try to talk to me.
I don’t know what an ideal marriage or partnership is. We’re still learning but I am lucky. I’m lucky that my husband is willing to do what ever it takes to keep his family together. He cares, he is interested, he wants us to be happy.
He wants what I want, we have a common goal and we’re going to continue working together to keep the dream alive.
Slideshow- 3rd anniversary pics
Yesterday’s surprise delivered at the office, so sweet *blush blush*