I wonder

I believe that there are things in this world and perhaps another realm that we humans don’t understand. I mean supernatural things. Not alien type supernatural but spiritual.

My religion confirms it but still its a bit unreal. There’s a possibility that either my mind is really good at playing tricks on me or that I’m spiritually sensitive somehow. I’m not very pious (regrettably) but sometimes, I see and feel things that others don’t. It happened to me so much in the home, I grew up in. I won’t go into details but it got frightening sometimes. It didnt happen much at my second home that I moved into but it did happen again when I moved into the current home I’m living in. If I think about it, it’s mostly in places that have a particular history. My second home was built from scratch on land, near the ocean that was never occupied by people. The first was also built from scratch but the land was already filled with human interaction. From what I’ve heard over the years, the occupants of previous years indulged in taboo rituals that most likely affected the place.

My current home also has a certain history but I don’t know exactly what happened here that enabled negative entities to enter and dwell here.

Before you think that I’m some sort of clairvoyant or what ever people ‘who sees dead people’ are called, please know, that’s not what I claim to be. All I’m saying is that I’ve experienced certain things that I cannot explain. Sometimes these experiences happen when Im asleep but often… When its bad, it happens even when I’m awake. It’s so vague though that I often question my own sanity. When I was young and I experienced these things I had no idea what to make of it. Sure I e heard of kids afraid of monsters under their bed but what I saw wasn’t always monsters, once it was my mother who wore her night clothes. She opened my door, I asked her what the matter was but she said nothing and just walked around my bed and came straight for me. The look on her face, my mothers face, the look in her eyes told me it wasn’t her. I was confused and my bedroom was small so it took seconds for me to feel all the emotions of confusion that turned to horror as she approached till an arms length away from me. All I could do was jump up, fight and scream for help. It disappeared in seconds. My eyes were closed while I fought though, so I’m not sure how it disappeared. I had another experience some time after that where I was clear headed enough to keep my eyes open while I thrashed my blanket at something that took on the image of my cousin who didnt even live in my house. The ‘person’ sat down in the corner and wrapped her arms around her legs with her head down while I thrashed the blanket at her and screamed for my brother. When he came in, I turned my head and of cause when I turned back around it was gone.

Most of the time I just felt things. I felt unnerved for no apparent reason. I felt like I was being watched. As I got older I felt less scared but it was annoying nonetheless. Even when I moved into this place, it had been so long since I’ve felt this way that I wasn’t sure how to deal with it, besides prayer. The difference this time was that I was no longer a child, but a mother of one. I didn’t want it to affect my child.

It was seriously annoying trying to sleep but unable to because every time I closed my eyes I saw flashes of images, not in my head but in front of my eyes. Like when you look into a bright light and still see it when you close your eyes. I saw ugly things, weird things. I saw flashes of monsters. Sometimes when I slept I saw the room as if I was awake at that very moment and saw things around me… Certain people, often a girl, the same girl recurrently. But she wasn’t a threat, the other things were. Once the girl sat on my bed while a black cat threatened me. I was paralyzed, couldn’t speak or move. While I lay on my right side facing the door, the cat was by my belly, almost at mg chest. I summoned all my strength into my right arm and was able to grab the cat by its throat and throw it to the ground while saying, “get the fuck out.”

They knew I wasn’t scared but they taunted me. I spoke about it to my mom. She believed me because she too is ‘sensitive’. She dreams unusual dreams that often have meaning in it. She recalled a time that she too saw flashing images the way I did while trying to sleep. She found out afterward that someone ‘dirty’ had been in her bedroom that day while we had a big function.

She asked me when it had happened and for some reason it was consecutively on a Sunday night. I still don’t know if it has any relevance. When my aunt, who for years now claims to be heavily spiritually ‘Aware’ (ever since a life event changed her and she became ‘born again’) I know Im using the apostrophe a lot but I’m not sure of the correct terms to use.

Well I told her about it and she told me that it was my spirit that saw these things, as they are spiritual entities. She said that I saw them and I saw those images because they want me to see it. They want to frighten me as I’ve entered a place they consider theirs.

Unlike my previous home, I couldn’t say when I felt uneasy, that this was my home that my father built and they have no right over it. I couldnt say that because this wasn’t always my home. I had moved in and still didnt feel like I was home. I didnt know what took place here before. I dont know if previous occupants indulged in unsavory practices. Perhaps they did. Nonetheless this is my home now, whether they like it or not. My logic is that they dont pay reant here so they’ve got to get out. Get the fuck out. They’re not welcome here and I let them know it. Im not afraid either, I dont care where they go as long as its nowhere near anyone I care about.

My auny recently asked me if I’ve had any encounters since we last spoke. Funny enough, I hadnt. In fact I havent even thought about it and sleep much better then I have in ages. She then informed me that she prayed for me, my family and our new home. She said that she was ‘in’ my home and got rid of them. Im sure she did it with the help of her church friends. I dont know.

Im not sure how all of this works or what to believe. I dont know how much of these experiances were real or fabricated by my imagination. I do know that I’m glad that theres a limit to my ‘vision’. I’d rather have a ‘did you just see something?’ moment to ‘OMG I SEE something’ moment. I do wish I could experiance more positive ‘visions’ though, if I do at all.

Its all a mystery and quite interesting but in these cases I prefer to be ignorant and ‘blind’.

Eventually though, somethings gotta give.

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2 responses to “I wonder

  1. It’s a different way to think but I agree with you! My boyfriend & I can sense each other’s mood changes from miles away. He also has some special sense that let’s him know when something is wrong with his loved ones. These “other senses” do exist. Thanks for the post!

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