Please don’t forget me

Please don’t forget me- this is something I feel most parents of adult children feel, some more than others. It probably gets worse as the parent becomes frail and dependent. I also think that this is what sparked a recent ‘falling out’ I had with my mom after I moved out. Believe me she’s neither frail nor dependent and at the time, I had no idea why she was ‘creating drama’. After my blood cooled down and I retold the event to my husband, I gained perspective and realized that, just maybe this was deeper than the superficial thing we argued about. If I fast forward 25 years from now and think of how different my life would be after my son has grown, well…

An unwritten letter from a mother to her child:

I’m sorry that I sometimes nag and seem to pick fights about things that don’t really matter. I know you’re busy and have better things to do than help me with tuning the TV or calling the cellphone company.  I know you have your own life and your own family to spend time with after your busy week at work. I can find excuses or explanations for my bothersome behavior but if I am honest with you and more importantly, painfully admit to myself that the reasons for this is simple; I need you, I miss you.

No matter what hobbies I pursued during the time you lived in this house, you were always my priority. From the minute you were born and even a little before that, my life revolved around you. I spent days and nights feeding, bathing and burping you. I spent hours worrying about you when you were at day-care. I spent months trying to find the perfect school for you. I spent all my energy making sure your every need was satisfied and put in extra effort to make sure you had fun too. I spent nights worrying about your well-being in high school and I spent thousands paying off your college tuition.

I know that all of this isn’t your ‘fault’, I’m certainly not complaining. What I am trying to say is that, even though I regained sleep and free time as you grew older, you were still my reason for living. You were my life.

When you moved out, I had fun finding myself again, but it will never be enough because I know there are better times to be had. The best times are when I’m with you.


12 responses to “Please don’t forget me

    • Yep grandparents too. I see too often how their families sometimes mistreat them and forget all they’ve sacrificed for their loved ones.

  1. Wonderfully written! I’m so glad that you understand how a mom feels when her children leave home. I had a very hard time when all my daughters left home, but it was worse with my youngest daughter. I guess because she was the youngest and I had to face that this was it, and because she was the one I was closest to. But then I had a grandchild, actually I have 5 now with 1 on the way, but the first one, is really grand. They all hold my heart in their little hands, but the first is, well, the first. 🙂

    • My mom mentioned once that she loved her grandchildren even more than her own kids. They hold a dear place in her heart. I know that no matter what the relationship between children & their parents, the worst they can do is keep the grandchildren away.

      • That is something I don’t even like to think about. I thank God every day for being able to see my grandchildren. My step-Aunt had 2 sons when she married my uncle. One of them has turned against her and will not let her have any contact with his children. My heart breaks for her everyday. Like I said, I can’t and don’t even want to imagine what it would be like.

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  4. Oh yes, I can relate to this totally. (and it about made me cry) Just experiencing this the last few years I can say adjusting to your kids growing up and moving out in to the world, while it’s awesome to see them fly, has it’s rough points. Mostly the missing of them.

  5. On mother’s day I asked my 5 year old if one day when I am an old granny i can come stay with him and his family, maybe get a little bed for me there? His answer: ah well you could also sleep on the couch, mommy!

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