Marriage can be tough. Especially when there are kids involved. You get so caught up in your routine and to-do list that you and your partner without intention or even noticing, can start to live past each other.
Life is all honey and roses when you first get married. Then slowly but surely reality kicks in and the ‘honeymoon’ period fades. When you’ve just bought a house and realize finances isn’t working out the way you thought it would. You start stressing and with your partner spending cash on ‘nonsense’ it can get your blood boiling. When you struggle to conceive your first child, the woman goes through unbearable emotions that the husband will never understand. His views on how to deal with the issue might differ from hers and fights are bound to break out. With a baby teething and screaming during the night when you are dead tired and need to get up for work in a few hours, its easy to get frustrated and start shouting at your partner for what ever reason just because you NEED a reason to scream too!
At any one of these stages, you or your partner will feel a strong urge to kill you and/or get the hell out of the marriage. So here’s my 2 cents worth of advice and I know it’s easier said then done but I’m also putting this out there for myself to read when I have a spatula-slash-weapon of mass destruction in my hand.
a. first and foremost you are equal partners with varying roles to play. Do your bit and support your partner with theirs. It always works both ways.
b. SHUT UP. Yes I know you are angry, yes I know he’s full of shit. Calm down, walk away. Come back later and talk rationally about it.
c. Do not, I repeat, do NOT get parents/others involved. Tomorrow when you and dear love bunny have made up your father/ best friend will still hold a grudge against the bastard that upset their princess.
d. If you feel you can’t express something when speaking because it doesn’t ‘come out’ properly, write a letter. Right down how you feel and possible solutions to your problems. Acknowledge that you feel hurt/sad/upset because of …. (let him know what he did to upset you, men are really daft sometimes) but also offer a compromise. i.e. I will try to…. in future.
I know that I’m lazy, I know that I get upset easily. So I try to make a conscious effort to hold my tongue and do my bit. You also have to pick your battles, sometimes your partner just needs to blow off some steam, just like you do. Then just ignore them and carry on eating your pretzels while watching survivor as if nothing happened. Then again, try to know when you are being manipulated or abused and don’t be afraid to stand up for yourself.
Before I got married my dad told me- a woman can make or break a man. And it’s true, I’ve experianced the difficulties of a jobless husband while I (the female) bring home the macon. Its very frustrating for men and no matter what it DOES affect their ego/manhood/whatever. You can make him your bitch or you can find ways to keep his head held high as the man of the house.
At the end of the day we women are indeed crazy bitches and men are 2 dimensional and need everything S-P-E-L-L-E-D out for them. Its tough BUT… together you can work out your plan of action and make an effort to keep yourselves in harmony.
Below are some good pointers (yes it goes both ways but personally I need to eat this advice)
Here are six ways we can start building up our husbands today:
- Listen to what he has to say so that you will recognize what’s on his heart.
- Make an effort to be as cheerful as you were when you were engaged to be married.
- Ignore his faults and focus on his strong points by taking note of them.
- Compliment him for the way that he looks and the good things that he does like working hard for the family.
- See him for who he is, not who you want him to be.
- Be slow to anger. Relay your frustration with love, respect, and a cool head.