She wakes up in a cold, dark space. She had been beaten but feels only numb. Confused, she looks around with no idea what to do or where to go. She calls out but has no voice. Her head is heavy, congested with many thoughts racing through her mind. This place she is in, seems wide, she can’t see but can tell.
In the distance is a constant drip starting somewhere above and eventually landing in a puddle. The drip bothers her and she starts feeling hopeless, with this she faintly sinks onto the hard ground, feeling weaker.
Just then a breeze brings a whisper, it says, it knows how she feels, unable to move or think. “How long do you intend to hurt yourself? It’s been so long already. How many disappointments do you plan to go through? Can you not see what it’s doing to you?
The voice sounded like hers but she wasn’t sure. “Think logically now. If destiny predetermined your future, what is the point of praying for an outcome of your choice? Clearly it is not in your destiny to meet your goal. So why do you keep wanting what you can’t have? Be happy with your fate. Accept it.”
Goal, what goal?
Then she remembered, her innate powers, cast her to a war she didn’t know of. Here she was instructed and forced into a life she didn’t plan for, a life she doesn’t want but her abilities bind her. Loyalty and submission to the Task Force was irrefutable. She’s conflicted with emotions, having no choice but to succumb to her inborn fervor to conquer, yet she just wants to live a normal life.
“It’s hard.” Arzu said. “I don’t want to feel this way, I want to be at ease, it’s just, I have this ache.” She put a fist to her chest. She felt broken inside. “I want the hurt to stop”
The voice got louder; “I’m telling you now! Accept your fate.” Arzu then thought of what a failure she was, never being able to finish what she starts. What makes her think she deserves victory? Still, how could she give up when she hardly tried?
Thinking of all her fellow soldiers, she hasn’t gone through half of what they have. She needed to try harder but felt she couldn’t cope.
Memories flashed before her again. She never knew this world of warriors even existed before. She remembered how they welcomed her and the promise of victory she felt. But in war there is no promise. There were battles, there was pain, and there was hope then torture. One night she was battered by the enemy so badly, she was sure it was the end. But her comrades picked her up & carried her to safety. It felt so lonely lying on the battle field dying. Arzu was so grateful to have them there even though she wished these wonderful beings were not here in this situation, none of them were here by choice. Several of them had gone through even worse than Arzu. It was grace and mercy that saved her then.
Now she sat up in the dark cave, wondering how she came to be here. Where was her legion? Then she realized; she was captured by the enemy in the most devious way, it encompassed her without her even realizing it. By some evil sorcery, it made her turn on herself. Even with her heightened senses, she didn’t feel it sneak in.
This was her weakness and foolishness, so devoted to her mission, her vigilance faltered. She lost sight of her surroundings, obsession consumed her.
Perhaps the war could be blamed but delusion set in. Dreaming about victory at any given moment & when reality hit, she’d spiral losing hope, losing sanity. This is when the enemy took hold.After being captured, she fought but their tricks were cunning. They offered her comfort; they offered her peace, on condition that she surrenders.
With months that pass by she felt weaker but despite a cure available to her she was determined to not give in. They then took her with a raft over deep dark waters, throwing her into a cave. She recalled now, falling down into darkness. There was nothing she could do but fall.
Now she was here with foggy mind clearing ever so slightly. She sat quietly, gathering her thoughts.
Loud and clear as crystal the voice stated, “this is not you giving up, it’s just logic!” Your fate has been decided, there’s no alternative!” This made sense to Arzu. The voice continued; “let this go. Stop fighting, just be free. Accept your fate.”
As dark as it was the cave seemed to get darker. Arzu was confused again. She wasn’t sure if this was her decisions she was making or whether it was tricks. She didn’t know what she wanted anymore. She felt a strong, desperate urge to give up.
“No!” This was a different voice now; a girl. A shimmer of light radiated from her. “I’m still here. I’m still here.” Arzu looked at the familiar face. Rubbing her eyes with her scrawny fingers, she looked closer. The girl approached her and she suddenly felt able to lift herself up. This girl was young Arzu, an innocent from a happier place. Young Arzu was reaching out to the bleak woman facing her.
This girl was abandoned a long time ago. When exactly it happened Arzu didn’t know but how can she abandon her now, when she reached out, so full of light and warmth. “No!” said Arzu to the voice. “I will not accept! I will see my victory, I will heal and I will fight. In darkness I will use every resource in me to create my own light!” The light from young Arzu grew brighter. She reached out and offered her hand to the weak woman.
With all her might Arzu lifted her heavy arm. The moment their hands merged into one, Arzu was sucked into a vortex. Twirling at a dizzying speed upwards, she felt the spell tearing away from her. A blinding light then faded away and revealed to her a cobble footpath in a green meadow. She walked along taking in the sweet fragrance of the wild flowers.
This path branched off at irregular intervals but Arzu knew that no matter which one she took, she would not be led astray. The light radiated from every direction.
At the foot of a bridge she saw her partner and felt complete. “An injured soldier is no good in battle.” Her partner said. “It’s time to heal.” Arzu looked up and whispered; “you’re right, for my own good I must heal and when I’m ready. I will complete my mission.”